The Legend Of Magic
by Wylderbiz
Summary: Come with me on this dark and twisted tale of Awesome, and the occasional grammatical and spelling errors.
1. The Legend of Magic Ep 1

The Legend Of Magic Cycle, Book 1, The Shoeface Cypher, The Jirrian Chronicals

"Is that white shit in my hair... Ewww." Frantically going threw my hair I threw my shovel aside looking for the white stuff contained in my long locks.

"Great, look at all this dirt I've got underneath my nails. Farm work is for peasants, which sadly i have to solemnly admit I am. An awful shame that fact."

After scraping out the dirt underneath my nails I picked up my shovel and got to work making holes for the seeds.

"Nhoahri!"  
I turned round after hearing the voice of one of my old friend called Jirrian. He was running out of the woods that led to a small but sweet village called Christania. Jirrian was an odd fellow, he had ginger hair and freckles, not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he was a good lad. And we had our fair share of fun, playing hide and seek in the woods, playing jokes on my dad, cleaning the horses. He was without a doubt my best friend, no matter how dense he was.

"Run! Nhoahri run!"

Three small red dogs like creatures lept out of the woods and ripped out Jirrian's throat. One of the dogs stayed to bite off Jirrian's face while the other two came for me. I ran throwing my shovel at them, jumped, on my horse, or more like tried to jump on my horse, Dorothy is a very tall horse okay. I went off at top speed, seconds later realizing i had left my actual best freind, Mr Bear the Teddy Bear behind in the cabin. So circling round the cabin a couple times I dashed in with dorothy and grabbed my bear from my bed while I was passing by. Once out I circled around the cabin some more and then legged it! Well the horse legged it. Me, horse, same thing.

I tried to make it to the next nearest village, which i did, however they were all being killed by the dogs too, so i tried the next one. The next village seemed mostly dog free, apart from the odd wolfhound, which i swear is like the only dog people here know about. I tied dorothy up outside of what seemed to be local tavern, and went inside to see if anyone knew what was going on, as it was awfully strange.

"Oi! Does anyone know anything about crazy red dogs murdering the shit out of people?"  
I heard a faint "No!" come from the back of the tavern.

"Damn."

"Oi, girly over 'ere."

I shrugged and walked over to the man shrouded in... Shadow? And he motioned for me to sit next to him. Which i did not do.

"Ah you've got spirit haven't you lass?"

"What does that even mean?"

"I know a man across town, who might know some'in about them dogs. Names Shoeface, wisest man I've ever met."

"Kay, where do i find him?"

"Down the road and to the left."

"Okay... What are you? Like the towns know it all mystery man or something?"

"No, I'm the town drunk."

He then followed this comment by pouring his whole glass into his mouth, or rather his face as I don't believe any of it actually made it down his esophagus. I did as he said, walked down the road and to the left. Where I found an old map shop. I opened the door and strided in like a total boss. I was met by a very small man with a very long and pointy beard, presumably a dwarf.

"Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooo oo there. How may i help you."

"What do you know about killer red dogs."

"Red bogs? No, i don't know what that is."

"Red dogs."

"Red logs? No, i've never seen those."

"Red dogs."

"Red frogs? No those aren't good to lick."

"Red dogs."

"Red fogs? No, I don't think you should walk into that."

"Red dogs."

"Red dogs... Why do you keep saying different things to Shoeface!"

"I don't, you just suck at hearing dude."

"Oh, okay then. Red dogs was it? Yes Shoeface knows a fair bit about them."

"Alright lay it on me."

"But first, why do you want to know the horrors, of the red dog?"

"Oh nothing big, they just killed my family and best friend... Jirrian..."

"Holy Jesus crust!"

"Yeah it really crumbled my cookies. So do you know what they're called?"

"I do indeed ugly one."  
"What did you just call me?"

"Nothing."

"... Yeah, i want to know what they're called old man."

"Well then i will tell you."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"They're called... Gimli's!"

"No! Not, Gimli's!... No seriously, what's a Gimli Dumb Face."


	2. The Supa Guy Chronicels

THE CAST

HEROES

Nice Mister Maba

Character: Basically a stupid parody of Obama

Bio: Now president of Space America, Nice Mister Maba was forced to defeat Space Old Man's evil mind control robots.

Powers: He has a lightsabre. Controls the resources of Space America

Fred

Character: over the top hardcore mercenary

Bio: robot killer for hire, battled a robot rebellion caused by Kevin

Powers: Fred projects deadly "ey beemz" from his eyes, capable of "up-blowing" robots instantly. Fred also possess the Spear of Ontalokk; powers unspecified

Supa Guy

Character: completely insane kill crazy "protector" of "juictise"

Bio: Supa Guy rides around on various motorcycles, looking cool.

Powers: possess a BIG sword. Infinite ability to do awesome stuff. Now with Supa Gun

Steve

Character: stereotypical "indentifiable" teen

Bio: got "amgic" powers and went to Hogwarts

Powers: magical

Jokey

Character: the dark knight's joker, but instead of a horrible serial killer, a friendly magic clown.

Bio: different everytime he tells the story

Powers: he's a wizard, also anything the joker does

Domino guy

Character: Rorschach, never says anything, over the top mysterious loner

Bio: showed up one day. Possibly from Krypton.

Powers: who's the leat stereotypical hero? Rorschach. Who's the most stereotypical hero? Superman, therefore, domino guy has all of superman's powers. Actually we seem to have dropped this, now he has the power of RAWK, which he channels through his keyboardtar.

THE SUPER ULTRA DUDES

Description: super powered protectors of retardland

Members: nice mister maba, supa guy, jokey the friendly magic clown, and domino guy

Enemies: batman the

VILLAINS

The Evil Spelling and Grammar Wizard

Character: The wizard is frustrated by the retardation of the universe in which he lives, he hates pretty much everything; everything unless they can speak proper english

Bio: unknown; first encountered attempting to take over fantasi lend using a dark dragon

Powers: magical powers of unknown limitations

THE GIGA MEGA LEAGUE

(of evil)

Super Shit Mega McCain

Character: this is McCain, reconfigured from his cyborg body as a "shit" (sith)

Bio: got exploded by Nice Mister Maba, and again

Powers: sith powers; he has a cloak, a red lightsaber, and probably force powers. It's stated that his lightsaber technique is far superior to maba's

Batman The

Character: Batman the showed up one day.

Bio: he's a strange miscomprehension of batman through the eyes of a very young and possibly retarded child. Diabolical supervillain and archnemesis of the super ultra dudes.

Powers: pretty much any thing; so far guns, freeze pistol, evil plants, fear gass, stretchy arms, duck beaks (what ever that means), and metal claws.

Note; his appearance is ill defined, but apparnetly looks nothing like batman, as he is mentioned having yellow gloves and green boots. (could potentially have any powers as long as he bears no resemblance to batman)

Notes: the third most diabolical being in the universe. Apparanetly is motivated by the desire to destroy all crime, by KILLING EVERYONE.

Ozzy the Man deader

Character: An ancient egyptian rock star from London (?)

Bio: He's an insane mix of Ozymandias and Ozzy Osbourne. Yeah.

Powers: The power of RAWK, which he plays on his ancient egyptian electric guitar. He uses eeeeevil speed metal as a counterpoint to Domino Guy's righteous CLAZZIK RAWK. Also possess the mutant power to travel exactly 35 minutes back in time.

Notes: 4th on the evil pecking order. Comic relief of the group.

Stephenroth

Character: an insanley powerful clone/mutant soldier who was once friends with Supa Guy

Bio: Holy shit you guys, this is one of the best ideas ever. It's Colbert/Sephiroth. I know, I'm a genius.

Power: The ability to be EVEN MORE AWESOME than supa guy. Whatever awesome stuff supa guy can do, Stephenroff can do it at least six hundred and sixty six times cooler. Is absurdly evil.

Notes: The Second most powerful and deadly villain in existence.

DOCTOR BOOM

Character: The master of evil, science, magic, and the ladies

BIO: Doctor Boom is just that. What is doctor boom? Can anyone man comprehend the mind shattering awe and terror that mere mention of his name evokes?

Power: Boom is made supreme by his mind and strength of the will; he is the only living man intimidating enough to forge and work the very substance of awesome. His armour is made of it, as is his interstellar battleship. Invented everything.

Notes: he can make Supa guy afraid. Formed the giga mega league (of evil) in another attempt to take over the world. Rarley engages in combat. Wouldn't be fair. He is so smart he could master sword technique quickly enough to fence stephenroth into submission with a twig.

Teh SPCE FIGHT

On day a nice mister Maba wad runig for presidnet. H ws clver an evryon luved hem, an he swa goan be lecte to be pdresient of spac amrica. But on day Maba was ambush THE EVIL SPACE OLD MAN WITH HIS MEAN EVIL GIRLFFIEEND

An he sez "hahahahahahahahahahahah MABA cannut be prezint because I WILLZ BE THE PRE IDENT"

An evi l sp ac e odl used e vil mind contro kto make people voet for him!

So people wer mak eot go vote for space Old Man becus he ha the evil spaec sience! But nice Maba am say "know you canot win by using mind cuntrol beemz!"

"tats cheetig!" but evul spaec old man sez

"AHhHRHhrhrhHRHr but becus I was in war yu hav to voat me!" an evi l spCE OLD man had robots snd they maek peopke voat him!? An evli spaec olald man was best friend wif darf veder, and so he borown his big spacship tof l arund in an give speeeches that ar boring an I not alloud to stay p tu watch.

But so an Maba gotted his litesbare an sed

"I mus beet spas old amn cus ican spel his naem!" so he gutten his litsbr an fighted space old man!, but evli spacold man sed

"ahhahahahahHAHahHAHahAHahHAHhahAHahhHAHahhHWAHAAH AHMAhAmaHAamhwmhahammamAMahAMhmwwmhaMAHMamHMWHaaAH ahmMAHMWMhwmmhahAMHHWMAMAHAHahmAHahwhahmahmm! Yu cannut figh me until you beet ma evli girlfirned" an spac ol mans gurlfredn ahd a gun an hsooted nice mister maba an he aws aaaaaa and falled out of the spacship into space.

Bu itsaw okay becus the guy frum 2001 wa flotin thru spac to help mister Maba an he gotte bacj on the ship an hiiited spac old men evul gurlfre with spiining turnado hellfir deth roundhouse kick.! An he r evul hed explode. SO NIC Miste Maba sed tomevil space old amn ahahaha now yu cant be presidne wiuth yur joggin frend! An space old am was NOOOOOO like darf veder I that fil I#m not aloud tu watch su I'm not old enuff. So space old amn get rell mad an said to nice mister MABA

So space old amn said

"now I must become second stage battle moad RAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH" AND SPACE OLD HAD BECOME TEH GORGE BUSH.

And Maba sed

"aha! I knew yu were reely the bush!"

an evil space bush sed SPACE LAZER ATTACK FIRE GO BEAM ATTACK

and Maba was OHNOES But he cud use his shiny teetha to deflec the space lazers! Used your teefs Maba! ]

an Maba used his teefs an shooted back them at evli space robot president who was reel big an scary. But evil president ws beet by his own laz0rs. An Maaba sed ahahaha silly president dis is why you brake the ecronmies! BUT THEN A SUPRISING THING HAPPEN!?

I turned out thast the finale boss of the story was GIANT ROBOT AL GORE! AND MABA WAS ahahahahahahahhh not gisnt robot al gore!

And robot al gore sed AHAAHAHHA THE ENVIRONMENT! And Mava got scared.

An giant robot ALGOAR Sed, ahaahhaha, now feel the fury of my INCONVENIENT LAZ0RS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AN MABA NEEDED A PLASTER COS THE LZERS MADE HIM FALL DOWN! BUT HE GOT OUT HIS PHONE AN CALLED HIS GOOD FRIENS HARRY POTTER AN NODDY AN THEY BOTH TURN INTO A GUITAR AND MABA PLAYED IT SO GOOD ROBOT ALGORES HEAD ASPLODE!

And Maba was yay a he got to president an helped eburybody by redistributing their welths.

A magical fantasi tail

One day ther was a amgic man. He was a many powerful wizard, an on day he gotten a seeing of a boy, an he think "im must igv tis boy amagic!" an so thee wizard wen p to th the the boy an sed "I must give yu, hu ar a boy, sum amgmic!" woweee sed the boy, who was good an always clened his rom even if sumtims it got mess again. So the boey got amgic an sed "now I'm goin to disneylan!" but the zird sed "no yu mus go to hugworts were you can be learn of not never even their then a special magic!"

So the buoy, huse nem was frederick husten von reichenburgenhoften von kroften mon lictensteiner the billionth. He wnet to gorwarts, an sed to people there "my name si lon so jus called me steve! Ahahahaha" an steve an his frends laffed cos log nems ar funny. But on day whil steve was lerning how to turn toast into a merman. But tere was a noise an he looked up he saw behind hi ws a funny old man wif yellow eyz an hood. But wen stev lukked bak he saw nobun ther.

So leter stev was tlkin to his frend larry who is not important to the story herd steve sey hes wa scred of the scary man, an larry don't worry becus yu are just having vivid hallucinations, an nats nuthing to wurry abut. Then larry wont appear agen. Don't bother waiting for him to come back. Becus he wont. So stev swa walkign dwon he hall to his pryokineticfyingmobulation class, when a man bursted out of a door next to him yellin?!

Tteh man swa a black amn wif a nic suit an red tye, steve knew him it was nice mister Maba, president of spac america! An wif him was a hardcore lookin guy, it swa fred, the robot up-blower wif his eye beams. An both of thems were yelling

"look outs over there!" an nice mister Maba pointed down the corridor, an he saw a very scary thingn!

Tere swa a wizard, wif a black robe, an he had horns, an his eyes were glow yellow like wolf except wolfs don't actually have eye glow. An he had other guys wif him. But he pulled out his evli stick, a big stcki wif a big deer skllu, an amgic was coem out fo it an it swa reel scary.

"Muwahaha!" laffed the evli wizard. Sumfin was vry strng abou si voice!

"I'm back! After what seems like an eternity of oblivion, I, the Evil Spelling and Grammar wizard, has returned! After my untimley, and in my opinion, grossly unjust death in the first story, I resolved to destroy the very fabric of this pitisome universe, and replace it with something populated by people who can actually speak english, and who are under my control, of course. To this end, I have enlisted some aid! Behold, the awesome power of the reconstructed Cyborg Zombie McCain, and the horror of Kevin, the Robot Pirate!" the zrid gestured, an steve sa an old amn with a nice sut an tye, but he ha a slitly metal hea, an a BIG GUN FOR HIS ARM AN METAL LEG WIF SCARY CLAWS, an slo he was seeing a pirate wo was made of metla na robot cutlass an robot parrot! Steven was very afraid of the cyborg robot pirate an wizard!?

The wizrd ros his staf an cyborg zombie old man began gun shooting, making a KRAK-A-RAK-RAK-RAK-RAK, and nice mister Maba gotted his litsbre an was hittin awy the buullet an seying thns abut te ecronomy. An Maba dived sieway sinto class room an the anrgry old cybrog man am follow him ylling aboug prollitics. The Kevin the robot pirate am say ARRR an try make hurt kevin the robot up-blower with his robot cutlas, an KVIN had gotten his eye beems an the magical SPEAR OF ONTALOKK, and two pairs of guys were BIG FIGHT.

But stev was see that the evli wizad was getting redy, cos lots of ebil was coming out offa his magic stick an he swa sayin funny words. His eyes were glow reel bright like wolfs again except not because wolfs eyes don't glow also the man who is called wolf on the teevisno whu reeds the nus doesn't got glowing eyes ether so acsully thye were just glow reel bright an scary an steve was sckered becus he dinet now what was happenig an he cudn't fight.

The evli wizard yelled reel loud, and there was a bright ligt an a big noise like SQUGGGGEGEGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Steve recovered, and sensed a strange new quality to the air, but before he had the time to fully grasp what had just happened, his thoughts were interuppted by the cracking of wood, as something strode unstoppably through the wooden wall to his right. Through the hole in the wooden wall, a normal seeming leg was thrust, clothed in a still pristine trouser leg. Seconds later the wall exploded, and a second leg crash on the floor, raising splinters with the sinister, silver claws that ended this armored, robotic prosthetic, the talons tapping rhythmically on the polished wood. The owner of this leg was a short, balding, and very old man, that Steve somehow recognised. His suit was interupted at his left shoulder, where it transitioned to gleaming metal, clad in a gauze of thin cables, and pulsing fiber optics; grey synthetic muscle tissue could been seen flexing beneath the polished plates of the arm, which ended in a fearsome forrest of assorted rotating gun barrels, each one glowing orange at the tip as they slowed and began to a cool, with the lazy hiss of a huge serpent, confident int the toxicity of it's venom. The man's face seemed quite open, though at this moment he was frowning, but the left side of the man's head was partitioned by a large, dark red scar, and at this boundry, all resemblance to humanity ended. The left side of the man's face was silver, and largley featureless; as a continuation of the man's mouth was painted a pattern of snarling teeth, much like those painted on the faces of some deadly military aircraft. Dominating the silver hemisphere of the man's face, however, was an array of sensory equipment in the place of his left eye, the sensors were clumped together, giving the impression of the clustered eyes of a deadly spider; certain scanners protruded on short prehensile stalks, and swayed slowly in an invisible breeze like the lure of a terrapin, and next to these sat a number of rotating laser lights, that played, flickering across everything in the room. The man's other arm held Maba by the collar, high above the floor, his lightsabre smoking and hanging limply from his motionless arm.

"steal my election?" the old man whispered. He dropped Maba to the floor, and pacified his weak struggling by pinning him to the floor with his taloned, hawk-like limb, the claws pinning Maba's arms to his side, their sharp edges drawing blood. Steve heard the whirring of the man's gun beginning to spin. "when you reach Hell." The man whispered to his captive "tell them Cyborg Zombie McCain sent you". Steve closed his eyes as he flinched at the sound of point-blank gunfire.

Steve paniced himself to his feet, suddenyl conscious of the noise of carnage all around him as the Evil Grammar and Spelling Wizard's fearsome cohorts wrought their worst upon the stone corridors of Hogwarts. Steve ran, desperatly triping over random debris, trying not to fall and lose time. He had no idea where he was going, other than away from the nightmarish senator he felt sure was following him, and the sense that something on a very fundamental level was wrong. He skidded to a halt, and flung open the door of a dusty filled broom closet, and huddled in it's corner. He watched as the uneven, threatening shadow of his pursuer lurched passed his hiding place, alternating between a soft pad of expensive shoe, and large thud followed by the tear of carpet fabric.

Steve released his breath, and collapsed even further, if that were even possible. He throught back to the words of The Wizard. Was this real at all, or all narative? If this was a story, he thought, it was a pretty crazy one. An idea struck him.

"Wow" he said, whispering to himself "It's pretty unlikely that I'd find something useful in this closet, espescially _right now_" as Steve said this, his hand, that he had once believed to be resting on the dusty floor, now seemed to be grasping something metallic. He raised his newly occupied hand to his face, to see a gun. Making a a deliberate effort to ignore the mind shattering implications of this occurrence, Steve grasped the gun firmly, and pushed open the brrom closet.

Steve's grip on his new gun was vice-like, and the longer he went on, the harder he found it to not think about his apparent fictional existence. He tried to focus on his environment; the halls of Hogwarts were dim and smoky now, perhaps a fire had been set somewhere. Steve rounded a corner, to see The Wizard, leaning on a windowsill, surverying the grounds and cackling. Steve was filled with an extremly convenient burst of courage, and whipped around the corner to face the wizard, gun drawn. The Wizard's reaction was very strange.

"Great" he said, sarcastically "in what world does this make sense?" Steve was confused, but didn't shift his aim. "let me guess" the Wizard continued "you really needed a weapon, and then it came out of nowhere?"

"umm…..yes" answered Steve cautiously; did he have answers as to whether he existed or not?

"Get on with it" said the Wizard, sounding exasperated " every goddam story ends this way"

yes, shoot him, he knows too much

"D-d-do you know whether I exist?" asked Steve, almost afraid to know the answer. Suddenly, Steve felt a strange muscle spasm in his finger, and the gun went off with a sharp crack! The Wizard wheezed a short "goddam it not again", before he fell from the window; the cracking sounds of his fall tortured Steve's ears. As Steve was about to run for the stairs to see if he could salvage anymore knowledge from the wizard, he felt a strange loss of clarity, and then a sharp pain as his vision faded.

Stev wok up in his bed his whouse! He lokked arund his rom an he relised it han alll ben some krezy dreem!? Steve tught tis wus vry funny an laugh an laugh an forgot everthing the bad mean old wizard had said. He wnet downstairs and it was cristmas! He got lots of distractin presents and warm milk an he wne back to bed.

THE END

**Ay Ciberpunc tail! **

On day Supa guy was drivin alon in his SUPER CYBER MOTACYCLE! Hes wa hungri so he jumpd an did a triple double flip an spun an flippe an flying thru the air abuv the supr hiway, flyin thru the an tooked a guys hotdog rite out of his han! Supa guy laned bak on his cycl an eated the hotdog

Nedles tu sai, the guy was very !

]Supa guy was chugin along wit his motabake, eatin his hot dug thet he s wa enjoyin cos it tasts good an he likd hotdogs. Supa guy saw an bad man by the side of the reely high hihway, and hes wa all "GRRRR" and gotteded his BIG SWORD, an threw it with his ON HAND, and it swa spin spin WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH, an all of the guise limbs wer CUTTED. Supa Guy was GOOD, because heswa not lking the INJUICETISE. Supa Guy was chugin alon agen in his motocycle, an swa now on the dessert roads. He swa ridin along an park at hi dessert cave wuhat ws havin all his cool stuff in like his amgic gnu an laser thing. Supa guy swa bored, so he jogg out an sed

"NOW IS THE TIME FOR JUMPING AND FLIPPING"

an so Supa Guy jumped and flipped and spun three times and cutted a rock in half an jumped and flipped and ran and cutted another cok and flipped an jumped an cut antoehr rorck an jumped an SPUN ARUND an cut TWO WHOLE ROCKS wit his big sword, an then he jumped REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL hih an threwed his sord down an it cutted evy cloud and mad the grund go BOOOOOOM. Supa guy jumped down an sa w his cav was blowd up, but he sed

"HAHA I AM THE SUPA GUY, SO I CAR NOT FOUR STUFF"

sao he gotted his other fasterer go-cycle an motord bak into the citie. But THEN

SUDDENLI!

Ter swa a guy in the road! Supa guy jumped of an flipped 2 times and spun 3 times and then flipped again and landed. Supa guys motocycle got all busted up an eplode whe it hit the guy an swa HUUUJ ECPLOSION! But Supa Guy looked around in a REEL COOL way, an gotte shi HUJ swurd. But ten he swa a scery thin eccept tha Supa guy doent gt skered evar. Teg guy was REEL BIG, and he had REEL BIG MUKLES, an hes wa black, but nut like nice mister maba, but like tat sckery thin from the fith element! Also he had sum broekn chins ons he arms an hes wa angri lukin. An the guy sed words, an Supa guy saw insid his motuh was BIG REEL SCERY FIRE

FREED AT LAST! YOU'LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN IT SAID! I AM AVENGING! I AM RAGE! I AM LARRY!

Supa guy wasn't skered of dis guy an jumped 2 time s an 3 times an spun an flipped an kicked and slashed Larry wit his sword and jumpe dand spun again and again and again and again and was cutting larry and ran way throwed the sword At larry and got his sword back and cut larry again and hit him, and jumped and spun an kicked and jumped real higj an threw hi sord an cut an threw it twice cos it can be more sword until there 12 and he gotted alfo the m sna d an cut larry an junped 12 times an spun 98 times in the air an cut larry 72 times and threw his 12000 times and got REEEEEEEEEEEEL MAD AN STARTED TO GLOW AN THEW HIS SWORD 35858030385 TIMES AN EACH TIME IT MAKED A BIG BOOM! THEN HE MAKED A BIG BEAM! AN IT GOT ON LARRY! THEN SUPA GUY JUMPED INTO SPACE AND GOTTED HIS SWORD AND STUCK THE SUN ON IT AND HE GOTTED THEN SPUN AND SPUNNED IT ARUND 7890 TIME AN SHOTED IT OFF THE END OF HIS SWORD! BUT THEN HE FLEW MOAR INTO SPAC AND HE GOTTED A WHOLE GALAXY ON HIS SWORD BEAM AND SWUNG THE GALAXY ARUND UNTIL ALL THE STARS WERE BNK TOGETHER INTO HUUUJ BALL OF SUPER DEATH ENRGY OF SUPA BEAM POWER GLOWIN REEEL BRIGHT AN REED! SO SUPA GUY FLIPPED 454467 TIMES AND SPUN 21479 TIMES AND YELLED RAAAAGGH AND SHOOTED THE GALAXY BALL BEAM A IT GOTTED ON THE EARTH AN THEN TERE WAS AN EXPLOSION SO BIG THAT THE ETIRE PLANET WAS EXPLODE! AND SUPA GUY SED

OH YEAH

COS I'M SUPA GUY

An Supa guy was kinda tired becos of destroyin the planet, so he funded an astrod an landed on it but cos he swa tired he only jjumped an flipped 5 times. But ten he saw sumfing BAD. He saw the Larry on anuther astroid! Hes wa yawning an brusning dust off off himself! tehn Supa Guy got MAD!

You have no power over me! I have escaped from the pit of dead chracters, and as a result, no narrative can harm me!

An Larry breathed the big fire at Supa guy! But Supa guy wasn't afred of fire, so he gotted his sword and jumped an his wasn't enuff powah to get anuther galaxy beam, so say he jumped 12 times behind larry an flipped 96 times an cut larry 149606802949530520486242489248946 times REEL FAST. But it didant hurrt Larry! Wen Supa guy saw tis he was maybe got skered ecxept supa dosnt get skered. So he thought his sword wasn hurting larry, so he reached up his own butt, an pulled from seckrit hiding plac the magical HORN OF ONTALOKK an he blewed it. The horn called oter good guys, an nice mister maba was appear, an so did fred the robot-up-blower. Nice mister maba gotted his lightsabret, and kevin gotted the SPEAR OF ONTALOKK, an everyon was BIG FIGHT aginast the larry. Mister maba was slashing and fred was stabbing with his spear, but the lary was all

**HAHAHA **

Because nohing was hurt him! So decus he swa getting desperate Supa Guy jumped 666 times an flipped 666 times to call THE DEVLI! An everyone wasy

**EL DIABLO! NO! **

The devli was say I HLP YOU becus I am bored in hell being the evil. So the devli was help wit his pitchfork. But it was not work! Everyone was fighting but Larry WAS JUST STAND THERE AN LAFF! So Supa guy gotted on his kness an prayed REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLL HARD! SO JEEBUS CAME DOWN WITH HIS BAD PERSON HITTING STICK! AN SOO JEEBUS WAS HELP TOO! An the dvil was all like "LOL wuts crackin JC, howz ur dad LOL"

An Jeeubs was like ""no, you're DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM"

AN EVERYBODY IN THE FIGHT WAS ALL LIKE

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE DEVLI GOT BUUUUUUURNED!"

eventually Supa Guy got REEEEEEEEEEEEEEL MAD AND JUMPED AND FLIPPED AND SPUN AND THE DID SOMETHING AMAZING!

TEH SPLITZ!

Everyone was stare because it was The Supa Guys ultimate super mooooove! THE HOLE GALAKSEA WAS EXPLODE AN EVERYBODY WAS FLY THRU SPACE IN BIG EXPLOSION UNTIL EVERYTHING WAS BLOWED UP EVEN LARRY THE BIG GUY!

An so everyone wnet home, except for the devli an Jeebus, hu cam bak to Supa Guys hous, an he beated them both at halo because hes is #

SOOPA GUY!

**AN SPACE AVENTUR **

On day, nice mister maba was flyin thru space, on the way to his inugraton. He was fly alon in his reel cool spacship, an It was black an had fins n big enjins that wer go WHOOSH, an a license plate that sed "MABA 1". Maba was crusin all cool, an he had his music playin reel loud, an it was very loud becus ther was noone arund and is okay if thers noone arund and people sudent get sent to ther rooms for having too loud music.

BUT SUDDENLI!1!11!

Ther was BIG SPACSHIP AN IT WAS REEL BIG AN SCKERY

But Maba was not scare becus he is HARDCOR. The spacship was the silve color an it lots ofmbig guns an it had a radar an everythin! But maba was all like

"dat aint coo, yo, its not the size of yo spacship, its how yo use it dawg" but then maba's face was very supriz! Becus he was seing wut was on the ship! On the ships hull was…

A BIG….

MEAN…

RED AND BLUE…..

WITH STARS…

REPLUBICAN ELEFNANT

An nice mister maba was getting message on his hollosckreen! An nice mister maba is nice an polit so heswa replying to the heil. An gess whose face was talk to maba?!

An maba was say

"OH NOES! TEH SPACE REPUBLICANS!" and it was the CYBORG ZOMBIE MCCAIN!

and cyborg zombie mccain was saying

"I am the eeeeeeeeeeeeevil! An us an our big spasship will stup yu frum getting to ur inugratin!" an maba was ! suprize that republican brains thinc of such gud plan! An he was say

"oh noes! If you are stop me I cannot be president of spac america!" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So Maba WAS GET reel mad! An he gotted his lightsaver an was all AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AN HE WAS JUMP THRU THE SCREEN OF HIS SPASSIP AN INTO SPAS WITH HIS LIGHTSAVER!

But Maba didn't get turn into a pufferfish, cos he is HARDCOR. An heswa fly towards the brij of the spacship an he cud see the cyborg zombie john mccain. An cyborg zombie mccain was all nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! An maba broked the glas on theb brij an did a flip an jumped and spun 19 times and flipped 200 times an landed with his lifesaver an sed

"now it's time for me to chew some bubblegum ass!" an maba was throw his safeliver an it was glow an an an an spin all arund the brij an cut off the heds of all the republicans heds! But cyborg zombie mccain was say some wurds!

"HA HA HA!" he was say in his scary cyborg zombie voice! "yu may hav defeet my campaing crew, but yu will never bedefeat my seckrite wepon!" an maba's face was full of ?s becus heswa wunderin wut the wepon was. An cyborg zombie mccain was press button, an a reel sckery platform was come up from the floor, wit sum dry **ice **on it. An the man on it was funni lookin so maba didn't know wut to say. But the scary guy in the glow suit sed som words with his funny foren vois!

"Greetings Maba! Hey, that's a **cool **lightsabre. Allow me to **break the ice, **my name is **Mister Freeze**, and I am here to send to your administration **to the cooler! **So be sure not to **freeze up **during our battle, or I'll certainly be putting you **on ice!" **

An maba was all like "huh? I am needing somone to endurs me then!" an so nice mister maba gotted his magical HORN OF ONATOLKK, and blewed it reel hard! An then by magic the CLINTON was ther! An he was say RAAAAAAAAARRRRR TO USE MY POWER BEAMS! An then mister icicle man was melted by the power beams, an clinton was all like RAAAAAAAAAAAAR I MUST GO NOW AN KISS MOR LADIES! An he was vanish in a big cloud of POWER SMOKE. An maba was all like hoh he hoh he hohohoh he! But cyborg zombie mccain was all like this! Aha!

An a helicopter flew down onto the grass, of got BIG ELEFANT!

An cyborg zombie mccain was all like

"you may can defeet my freezy guy, but you are never defeatng this great elephant of great elephant powah!" an maba was say

"yes I are"

an the elephant was defeat! An cyborg zombie mccain was nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo my pet elephant.

So then cyborg zombie mccain gotted a lightsabre an sed "I'll not being ever to liver to ever let you not not redistribut welths" an maba was ahahahahahaha becus he nu he was HARDCOR an C.Z.J.M. could not be defeating him. An so tey wer abut to fight, but then C.Z.J.M. was tear open his suit an all of a sudden the GORGE BUSH WAS JUMP OUT! An Maba was say "I probably sud hav remembered this from last story!"

An so gorge bush was gonna shoot his 3 secrite asssasaisnanasastin at maba, but polars came to help maba, becus he is frend of the aminals. An the bears were eat gorge bvush. THE EDN

OR IS IT….?

NO!

IT ISNT!

YES IT IS!

OKAY THEN!

**THE GRETEST STURI EAR TULD **

ON DAY, supa guy was rollin down the road on his SUPA BIEK. H e was eatin a hot dog agen cos supa guy liks hotdogs. But then he saw CRIMALIZ! So he got his sword and thru it an it goes WUSH WUSH WUSH WUSH WUSH WUSH WUSH WUSH WUSH as it spun arund an cutted things an a big truk wnet BOOOOOOOOMM an the hotdog stand mans hed got cutt of an his blud was QUIIIIIRRRTTT an then the sword cutted sum ballun strins an the little childrens wur sad ntil the swurd cutted thieir heads off too. An all the trees wer cutted down an so was everuns head, as well as the CRIMINALIZ! So supa guy was say YES GUD THE JUICTIS IS SERV FOR TUDAY! An wes ridn of o his supa bike enven thu the blud make it slidey. An so supa guy was chuggin down the rud n his bike an was drivin with his feets becus he is awesome so he could ly back an get massage on the comfy seat of his bike. But then…..

_SUDDENLI! _

Supa guy saw sumthin TERRIBILBE! In the road were standin a million billion supa rockets trolls, an wif them them they had megabots with flaming shuriken laser rckets an the trollls ahd super invincible forcefields and mega beam bomb blast rocket cannons for heads an electric turbo cyborg legs so they could runas fast as supa chickens an they had 200 arms an each one was a supa gun that 500 other guns coming out and all those guns ahd 900 different bulletns guns from them and the trolls all had a million heads with 300 eyes that had 600 pupils and that all shoot 500 laz0rs and they had a million teeths and frm each toff cam another million toffs an they all had 400 tounges! But supa guy was like dis:

Cos he was nut afred of trulls, so eh gut his swrud an swung it an all the trolls were explud. But on of the trulls sed "yu are never best our big scery mysterious boss!" an supa guy was nut afred cos at the age of 7 they took out his brain so he couldn't be afred. An so supa guy huld his swrud up in the air an yell RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAR COOOOMMME GET MEEE EVLI GUYYYYY!

Wow supa guy ur so brave! Sed on of the rocks. But then supa guys face exploud in surprise cos rocks cannot talk!? An he saw that the evli guy was alredy here! An supa guy saw the guy on a ruck an he had a big cloak an funny hed, an the evli guy sed in scery voice

"BATMAN I'M THE" an supa guy got skered. An the batman the gotted his two guns out and was goin BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM an the bullets were fly an go SPRANG SPRANG SPRANG an supa guy was jump arund an dodge an jump. An batman the sed

"now taste my fear gass!" an threw fear gass at supa guy but he din get scered. An jump an thru his swrud but batamn was beome the mud?!

An the swrd went thru him an dinent hrut him!? But the batman the gotted his freeze gun and was shoot the freezy ice beam at supa guy! Supa guys leg got the ice on it but because supa guy's blood is flaming likwud merkury hes wa unfroz agen petty suon. An batman the sed

"curses you are foil my evil plan to freeze ur leg! Have these at you!" an batman threw down some evil seeds and they growed into supa guy's death! But supa guy cutted the plants an they were dead!? An batman the sed

"so you have defeet me, but unerstan this suap guy! Wut is bigger than the moon but heavier than a brick?!" an batman the was disepere in puff ov smuk. An supa guy was hmmmmmmmmmmmmm pondering the ridel. But then he kew the ansre!

"the moon is reel big so it must be big! But heaier than a brick an that's heavy?"

supa guy lookd up in the sky an he sawed the anwr! Of course ! he exscremed!

THE EARTH

An so supa guy jump straight up into the sky an landed on the earth (cos he was on the moon befor). An he was land and saw the he was on an an an an jet fighter! (on of thos hovery ons) an he was difficult to balance! Bit then he saw batman the! An he sed in his scery (but remember supa guy never get the afraid) voice

"hor hor hor you are figure my riddle! Time for you to become the dead!"

an batman the started getting sharpedy cards at him that were all WHOOSH an SLICE, but cos supa guys sword is so big an wide he putted his sword infront of him like a wall, an supa guy was say

"ha! I hear you don't like the ice creams eh batman the?" an cos of tauntings batman the became the RGAE. So he pulled out his hands from his yellow bat gloves and was shooting THE SPIDER WEBZ AT SUPA GUY!? An the web got on him an tangled him up cos of its sticky nes and tangliness. First supa guy wwas nooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, but then he was remember that he is supa guy an the web turned into not web. But batman the didn't talk cos he nu dat was gonna happen an so quickly his arms to STREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH! An his stretchy hans were slapping an pinching an it was making supa guy get reeeeeeeeel mad! But he had too much drugs eariler so he cud not use his GALAXY POWER BEAM! An he sed so to batman the, an batma the sed "ahaahhahahaa I no, cos I put talcom poweder in ur drugs!" an supa guy was all "I mek u pay for messinwit my drugs!" an so batman talking more.

"hahHHHhahHAHh SOO THE URF WILL BE MYNE!" an batman's stretchy nhands were strangle him! But supa guy remembered his one power that was not fuel by drugs! He uses his

SUPA NECK!

An there was big boom an the hole ocean was EXPLOD! But batman the was HA an begin atck supa guy some more on the bottom of the ocean, but supa guy used his

SUPA NECK!

An the whole earth was blowed up but batman was still HA! An float through space an used some DUCK BEAK to attack supa guy! Supa guy was losin the fight so he used his

SUPA NECK!

And everythin arund him was explod. But batman the was laugh an do a little dans on an astrud?! But supa guy's nek was tired now an batman was beating him up with his metal claws reel good! An supa guy skin was actually injure!? So supa guy was flotin thru space reel beat up wiv blood comin out of his face, but then he saw somethin reel good! White powder was floatin through space! So supa guy space swum over to it while batman was adjustin his green shiny boots. Supa guy gotted the powder an up his nose it went! YES!

**SUPA GUY GOT HIGH **

An he was back to full power and so he jumped and flipped 200 times and spun 900 an he used his power beam so that he could get a planet and so he stabbed the moon on his sword an used his beam to grasb the asturd belt **an ten he grabbed pluto on his swurd an rung it arund an arund ****until it smash into all the over planets an they bnk to geth in huuj ball AN THEN SUPA GUY SHOOTED THE BALL A THE GALXY COR AN EVRY GALXY BNK TOGEH INHUUJ BEAM ****BUT IT SWA BOT HUUJ ENUF SO SUPA GUY TEAR OPEN SPAC AN HE GOT THE WHOL DIMENSON ON HI SWURD AN SWUN TI ARUND AND Arund UNTIL HE GOTTED IT AN HE MUSHED IT INTO THAT DIMNSION WER EVERYON IS A DUCK BUT THEN WAS NUT BIG ENUFF SO ****SUPA GUY SWUNG IT ARUND AND ARUND AND ARUND AND ARUND AND ARUND AND ARUND UNTIL WAS SMASH INTO ****GOD AN GOD GOT REEL MAD BUT HE WAS HELP SO HEAVEN GOT ON SUPA GUY'S SWORD BEEM UNTIL EVERY DIMENSION WAS GETTING ON IT EVEN EVIL WORLD UNTIL THE WAS BIG STORM OF MESSED UP NESS IN A BIG BALL ****AN IT WAS BECOME HUUUUUUUJ BUT SUPA GUY WASN'T DUN HE GOT EVRYTHIN EVER ON HIS SWORD BEEM AN STABBED ITSELF UTIL THER WAS 200 BEEMS SO THAT HE USED THEM ****TO BNK EVEY SINGLE THIN TOGETH IN HUUUUJ POWER BALL AN HE GOOTED IN ALL IN ON BEEM AN HE USED IT SPOWER TO MAKE ****HUUUUUUUUUUUJ POWER BALL BEAM BOMB LASER AN THE SHOOTED IT AT BATMAN!**

And batman the was explud. So supa guy went home cos he had play date wif jesus an elvis so they cud practis for bein vido game playin teem on day called death shark leopards an win every gold. THE EDN

AN UNRAZEPTED APRISE

On nise day in Hoshington E.D. nice mstr maba wuz making VERY EPIC PRESIDENT thigns an stup people frum getting sick from pigs! Hes wa in the congrasses, talken to hulk hogan, brus campell, an chug norrsi, the must imprtnt ppl in amurica to help pass th lawes he need so peopl stop gettins sik frum pigs. Firs they wer frens an maba sed a juk an everun laff cos he is funni gui!

An si they wer talkin abut stuff im not alud tu stay up 2 watsh, but DEN!

**SUDDENLI **

That guy frum starget clld maba on his president phon! And it got rigirignrigiringirnginrignirngirgnrgnirginrigrign and he picket it up an the guy sed " OH HAI PRESIDENTE WE ARE HAVING THE ENERGY FIELDN DETECT!" an maba was knowin dat dis energies was because the source of SWINE FLU!? An he saw the big blinky red dot on da big eart map of eart. An Maba saw he was neede to fin the sours oof swine flu, an defeet it wif hs MIND BRAIN. An so nice mister maba gotted his legion off supre herus flyt rign, an used to fly WHOOOOOOOOOOOSH up an thu the ceilin of the congress.

NA NANANANA NA NA NAAAAAAA MABA WAS FLY THU THE AIR!

An he saw he mus go to the most evilest city Evar! An so Maba flued down to canada city, wish was in arkanslaska state. An maba was hover down to see he was in a farm, but he saw all the pigs wer sick wit the swin flu, cos they had fagns an red I's. maba nu he wont get sic becus of his tyrouig, but he din wan over ppl get sic cos he luvs everyon eccpt replubicans.

Then maba was a very scery thign! On abov his head was a guy hu cud fly like him but no wit a rign!? The guy was werin like dis big cape an had a funny head like wif pointy ears an yellow glove and green buuts! An maba knu whu it was cos his friend supa guy had talk wurds to him about dis guy! It was

"I'M BATMAN THE"

BATMAN THE! An maba got afred.

"ahahHAHahHAHhahHAhahahhahHAHhahA" sed batman the, as he was hovar abuf maba. "wut R U wunt evil batman the?"

an he sed "I AM THE NIGHT AN I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE BECUS IF THEY AR ALIVE THEY CUD BECUM CRIMINALIZ!" an maba was saw that batman the was tryin 2 help, but he was killin everyon with pig sick an that wasn't veri nize! An maba sed

" tryin to help fite crim! But u wusnt hrt ppl K?"

"oh ya well ur helpin ppl sucks! U will die now!"

an so maba WHOOSHED his lightsaversaber cos he nu he was gonna hav tu fight batman the. Batman the was say "fell my beemz" an he was hootin I BEEMZ OF RED LAZERNESS! An maba used his teff, cos the laser bounce of an hit batman the in his balls! An maba laughed an batman the falled down on the ground. Maba was point an lauff as batman the gotted up on his feets, an he saw that batman the was grinng with his face?! An he sed "noow I rtrying out mah new toys!" an batman the jumoed 6 times and spun in the air 12 times an landed and did 98 backflips and ran on the spot and spun arund an did moonwalk and jumped 16 times and spun in the air 67 times in the air! An maba saw his powers! He had use his earlr fight to COPY SUPA GUYS POWERS! an maba shat his pants cos he knew dat meens batman the had the GALAXY POWER BEEM!

an batman the sed "ahahahahahahahahha" but maba was use his brain to think some thoughts to think thm intu wurds "if yu hav galaxy power beem, th tyin to kill us wif pig sick!?"

"ao aha u hav got mai plan" sed batman the standin there lookin evil excep he wers helmt so maba sumd he ws lukin evli. "supa guys supa neck was stop me frum getting all his powhas, an so I will USE YOU AS HOSTAGE TO LURE HIM DOWN FROM SPACE, and so tehn I will get galaxy power beem an detroi crim forever" an maba sed NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO becus dis was gud plan, an batman the use dhsi stick spider webs to tie up maba, an becus maba was not supa guy he cudnt mak it not web. An so supa guy was grab tied up maba an he flu to the moon.

Supa guy was chuggin alogn on the moon in moon city on the moon city highway an saw the sign dat sed moon city becus he was in moon city drivin alogn moon city moon highway in the moon. BUT THEN

SUDDENLI!

He was seeing on the television the speical moon squad of moon cities moon police we shootin thei moon guns at BATMAN THE?! AN supa guy was ! becus he was happi cos he nu he cud beat batman the tis time becuzz he had his drugs otdya an was srill pritty high.

An so he gutted of his supa bike cos he cd runn afster than it anywai.

An so supa guy got dere wif his srud, an he runned and jumped 12 times and fliped 200 times and spun89 times an sed "batman the put down nice mister maba" cos batman the was holding maba an flying in the air. But batman the sed "so dis time it is yuy whu R nut like ic creams eh supa GAY!?" and supa guy got RAGE ON HIM.

An so he got his sword for GALAXY POWER BEEAMS, an he used a little one that not destroy moon. It knock batman the ded an he feel dun. Supa guy jumoed 1345 times an flipped 89 times an spun 89 times and caught maba wif his hands as he falld. Supa guy made the web not web, an maba was free, but he was the anger!? "no u fuul" said maba, and theneheehn he saw batman the get up!

And wif a reel REEEEEEEEEEEL sceery voice so he even supa guy got a little scared he said

DARK KNIGHT I'M THE

An supa guy nu he has given batman the his galaxy power beem power! He got sand and then angry!

An batman the sed "AND NOW IS TIME FOR GOTHAM TO NEED TO DESERVE THE HERO IT NEEDS, NOT THE HERO IT THINKS IT DESERVES TO NEED TO DESERVE" an batman the jumped 28383 times and flipped 4848484 times and spun 338383 times an used his ahnds to make his own evil GLAXY POWER BEEM (it swa red cos supa guy's glaxy pr beem is blu) and he was RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA he was about to start getting thigs on hisbeem when!

SUDDENLI

Before batman thes power beem got things on it it was corss with another power beem!? An batman the saw the supa guy had also got his galaxy power beem?! but then everyone was panic, BECAUSE THEY WER CROSSING THE STREAMS! AND EGON WAS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

TO BE CONTIUED?

YES

OKAY

GO!

An the POWAH BEAMS WER CURSSED AN EVERYUN WASSSS NOOOOOOO! BUT THEN

SUDDENLI

A man was appear! He throew a BOOM at batman an he the falled down, an da nu guy sed hi mister maba an supa guy!

"O HAI" SED BOTH THEY "hu R U?" they sed. An the guy had purple suit an magic hat an wizard cloak an wand! An the guy sed "I'M'S THE ONE CALLED JOKEY THE FUNNIEST WIZARD!" an jokey gotted his playin cards cos batman the was getting up! An jokey sed "hay guys wanna see a magi trik?" an he THROWED HIS MAGIC WAND AND IT STUK IN BATMAN THES I! An supa guy an maba were very impress! An maba was say hu R U JOKEY? An Jokey way sez "I was is am are batman thes frend from colleversity, an I was his fredn when he was makin a machin for helping his dead dog in hel but it expluded him an het got powers of everon else's powers!" an maba an supa guy were veri sad cos dis was sad stori. Wut R UR powerz Jokey? Was say maba! An jokey was talk; I'm fuini, an I has knivs an lint an I am veri power wizard man! I lern 2 magic from old guy in coldland. An maba was veri impres becus coldland is veri cold an hrd 2 lern magic in! "I usede 2 be surgon" sed jokey "but my hands got bruk from gamma rayz" he sed with sadface like dis:

but batman the was get up! An he was say "R U DENNIS? R U RESTARTING UR SUMFING?! I'M GODDAM BATMAN THE!" an he was use his pwr to turn into NUCULUR MSSLE! "NOW I'M GOAN BLOW UP GOTHMTROPOLIS!" HE WAS TALK "AN U CANT STOP ME!" AND HE BLASTED OFF CAUSES HE WAS NOW BIG ROCKET! AN THE ROCKET HAD BAT THE ON IT.

An so supa guy an maba an jokey the friendly wizard clown were goin 2 SAVE THE WROLD! An they posed al coll. An so supa guy was say "oh no batman the is missile we cannot get to gotamopolis in tiem cus only supa guy is fly fast enoughf!" but jokey was smil an say "MAGIC SPELL POWER GO" AN they wer in a flying bubble dat fy reelf fast frum the mooon togtoam pdsosl.

An so the comedi bubbl was fly doan an they jumped out an se dat batman the was comin at da city cos he was strill a NUCULAR an so supa guy was "IT LOOKS ITS TIEM FOR ME TO DO MY THGIN!" an he jumped 887 times and fliped 34 times and spun 23 times an jumped again an was HIT WAY THE NUCULAR WIF HIS SWURD! An everyon was YAY. But Batman the was get angry an turn back. An he was say "HAY U GUISE EVER SEE DRAGONBALL Z?" an maba was yes becus he is cool, but jokey (no tvs in coldland) was no an supa guy didn't cos ther ar no cartoons on the moon. An Batman the was say HA SPRIT BOMB AN GOTTED HUUJ GLOWY BOMB AN THROWED IT DOWN! But jokey was all noooooo, an he throwed hmself in sky an used his magic card to up blow the bobm afore it hurted nayon. An so maba was flyp up an used his lifsberer an was tryin 2 vut batman the but before eh cud he saw a scery thign! He saw that BATMAN THE'S LIMIT BREAK WAS FULL! AN SO BATMAN WAS ANANANA ANANANANANANAN NANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AN HE PICKED HIS LIMIT BREAK

But Jokey was say to maba an supa guy "dis R his super wekness, he cunnot his own powers, only thos he has stulen frum others! I f we R clever brains we can reflect an stop him fro hurtin' anyobdies" an batman the was GETTING LIGHT ITSELF AND MAKED IT INTO SWORD! AN HE WAS SAY RAAAAAAAAAARGH!

**!OMNISLUSH! **

but supa guy was redy cos dis was on of his powahs! An so he gotted his sword and used his good version OMNISASH! An so he flowed up into the sky an was swurd fightin faster than lite wif batman the! An jokey an maba watched an sed "dat supa guy sur is awsum" sed maba "yep" sed jokey. But then OH NO! jokey and maba cud see dat supa guy was BEATEN AT SWORDING! An he fell down an was hurk blergh. An so maba was getting his lightsabr, but BOOM FASTER THAN FLIPPER batman the cam down and gave maba DEATH NOOGIE! An maba falled down an gotted blood on him. An batman the was on fire an glowy an jokey shat himself. An jokey was say "hay batman the wann heer joke?" and hes wa reel scered. An batman the sed "OKAY BEFORE I TEAR OUT UR JOK BRAIN"

AN JOKEY SED "dere's dis guy, an hes sad an he go see doctora n the doctor says go see pastyface the cown cos he's funni. But the guy says I AM PASTY FACE!"

An batman the had serious face and wasn't laff an he was gonna pul out jokey's eyes wif his eyes! But then

**SUDDENLI **

"Gud juke everybody laff" an batman the was look around an was PUNCHED IN THE FACE REEL HARD! An batman the falled over an off the building (cos they wer on tall building) an onto street wher he was all "aauauaauaggghh" an jokey was YAY an he saw it was **DOMINO GUY **. an he had his coat an hat an creepy mask. An maba was get back an supa guy was jump up to them an domino guy was all cool an stuff cos he didn't say anything. An maba was "wat sud we r doin to defeet batman the. Jokey U go down ther an magic him, supa guy us UR SWURD, I will use mah lifsvr, an Domino guy wut R UR powerz?" an the guys went down there to do stuff, but domino guy dint say nuffing but he jumped up into sky an started firin his heat vison an cold brefs at batman the! Maba was again impress! An so he jumprf down to see the city just like at the edn of transformers ! asn even micel bay was their blowin up things an filimgn them! But batman the was beetin everyun, an so maba was say "we must USE TEAM FRENDSHIP" an so they did combo wher jokey an domino guy comin magic an laser into laseramgic (the greetsty type of amgic), an they use laser amgic to amk maba an supay guy go spin REEL fast an so their supa cuts were BEET BATMAN THE YAY!

an so batman the was froze by sherluck homo the ice guy, an maba was say "WE R GUD TEEM we hsud be frends and hangout an be supre an potec world from the EVILNESS" an everyon was YES AN WE BE

_**THE SUPER ULTRA DUDES **_

The edn

?

**THE FEIND THEY CAL: **

**SPROC **

On day, in the supre secret helth fortres, the SUPRE ULT DUDS wer havin SUPER FUN. Nice mister maba was playn hola 3 wit supa guy (hu ws lettin him os supa guy is de best at everyin a sometims bppl sud ge 2 win cos ur the get sad). Jokey ws practisn his card thrown at wall wif picture of batman the on it, an domino guy was duin pushup wif his breffs. The supa ultra duuuds serit bass was pay for by nic miste r maba an amuriva, an so it has many screene an blinki lit an los of snack an xbox ans tuuf. An today ws fun an soo they gotten pizza escept dominguy din wunt any cos he is mystrius. An maba was ananaanana and jokey ws nut playin cos he didn't no how 2 play viduo game soc sthey ar no viduo gam I n coldland. An everyunw as having gud tiems but TEHN

**SUDEENLI! **

THE SCRENN OF HOLA WAS CRIKY CRAKE AND A SCARY FACE WAS ON IT!

The fac was scery an nurmal but had EVIL POINTENY EARS! An slo silly haircut like bowl. An he was say in scery voice "I AM SPROC RULER OF ENTERPISS SHIP, AN I What UR powaAHS!" an everun was rell scar except suap guy does gete sdcra e nad mcie msimt e ebBHS SI RVAVE AND DOMINY UG Y CADO OESN'T GET SCARE AND JOKEY SHATT HIMSELF AGAINAHAHAHHA. AN maba was say "dis sproc wants tu et R breenz to get al our powerz!" na everyon was shoc cos if he cgot dat he wud be UNSTJUGGABLE. An so mamba used THOUGHTS that went into his head, inside his mind, and flewed arund in his brain UNTIL

**SUDDENLI **

He was get APLAN. "we can r use my spaship!" sed maba. And everyon was YES GUD PLAN. An so maba gotted MABA 1 the bg awesome spechip antehy gotted in it and FLYED INT SPACELAND. An so they were flyin but then h they saw the ENTRPISS IN SPACE! It was huuuuj musssssssss bigger dan MABA 1! An SPROC was on their screen a he say "gimme ur brqins or be DETROYERATED. An maba was no cos u suc! An the supa ulktra were YEAH! An so mamb fired MABA1 COOLNESS Laser and it BlowED up the ENTERPISS BUT NOT REALLY IT WAS A TRICK TI COS DEFLTRFO SHEIOE NAANONOH NO WI! An enterpiss fired CRUTON TEARPEDOS. An MABA 1 was BBOOM FLASH. An panels and stuefff. An mamab was say SUPA GUY DO SOMETHIN! An so supa guy flyed into space and blowed up the enterpiss and blowed up speoc and eeryon was aved.

THE EDN.

_**SUPA ULTRA DUES: **_

_**ORIGINS **_

On day, Jack Funny ws workin in a club of the comedys, for to get his money so that his family as havin food to put in ther heads. He ws veri sad cus no-un was laff at his funny making on the stag! Jack funny got veri sad. Also he had a dog. Onc his funny makin was done, jack funny was get into his car an go hom. But befor he cud get in his car!

SUDDENLI

TER WAS HIS frend, hu was called his name was Brucy ManGuy. Brucy was say "OH HI JACK FUUNY, I WAS SAW YOUR FUNY MAINGS AND THEY WER GOOD, I AM YOU GIVING ME A LIFT NOW?". An Jack Funny was nice guy so he was say okay donkey and let him go for card rie. An so brucy an jakc we ridin alon in their car, but then!

SUDDENLI!

A bat was fly in the way! It gotted on the car-screen, and the car was flippy flip! Spin around like sonic! An very sad! The car was fall an spin ontooo BRUCY'S PARENTS!

Brucy an Jack wer go to hospitol. Brucy os veri sad cos his parents wer kil by bats and crim! An so he got REEL MAD AT JACK! An so he was run away veri sad, but as Brucy was run down the hall, he was FALL IN A MACHINE! THE MACHINE GAVE HIM THE POWERS OF EVERYUN! HE WAS AS IS BECOME

BATMAN THE

AN HE FLEWED OUT AN WAS SAY "BECAUSE OF DIS ASLL CRIM MUST BE STOP BY EVERYON BEIN DED!"". An jack funni got scared and angry and happyiens. An the doctors were sayin that jokie's hands were all broken up, and so he cudnt so the cumedies anymor! An so Jak funni was become veri sad, and was become the dpress, and stated to taking in his motu, THE BOOZES! N so jack cudnt do his comedi, its was veri sad an hi s family wer died frum not food and not drink. BUT TEHN

SUDDENLI

A wizard was appear! The wizard was say: you jack funni can be the best ZIRD EVAR! An so Jack funni was sue his hat and stuff to go to COLDLAND TO LEARN MYSTERIS OF MAGIC! An so jack was learn the magics to stop the bat like evils of BATMAN THE! AN HE WAS BECOM…

JOKEY THE FUNNIEST WIZARD

USIN HIS COMEDIES TO GOOD AMGIC!

On day, Domino guy was wurkin along, fitn crim with his punchin an kickin. The he pick up a gitar an fund! He HAD THE POWERRZ OF RAWK! HE USED TEHM TO STOP RUSSIANS USE SQUID TO TAKE OVER WORLD!

On day a very aspeicla guy wa born, and he was expeirmention to take out hisbrain to make him nut fared. An so he gotted a big sword and becam awesome. Also his borther, but who was also comedi an better than him!

An the other guy!


	3. The Legend of Magic Ep 2

The Legend Of Magic,

Book 2,

The Shoeface Cypher,

The Mystery of the Gimli's Part 1

"So what you're telling me, is that you don't actually know jack shit about these Gimli's."

"What are Bimlies Ugly One?"

"... … Is that my name now, really?"

"I don't know, what it is, that you are speaking with your mouth."

"Words, Shoeface, I'm speaking words."

"Ha ha, that is a good one, Ugly One, ha ha ha."

It took all of my inner strength to not strangle him where he stood, the tiny bastard. The problem with Shoeface is that he is a moron. I tried and tried my best to help him understand the words that were coming out of my mouth, which indeed took an awful long time, but every time I got bored, or felt like flaying him alive, I just knocked over one of the vases and plates that he seemed to like so much.

"There... Is a man I know, who is good, at the talking?"

"You nearly had something there Dumb Face, it's a shame, but i'm going to have to kill you now."

"His name... …"

Kill me, kill me now... Or kill him.

"Is Roger. He is a black Scottish samurai. He is also very ugly, ha ha ha. He knows... A lot about, furry things... Red?"

I pushed over another one of his plates, put a bucket on his head and stole a bunch of his maps as I left the shop. I was now to set off on a journey to find out more about the Gimli's. I returned to my noble steed Dorothy, whom had now gained the ability to turn into a speaking quad bike. As I was riding through town, on my quad bike, I suddenly heard the wailing of guitars. Accompanying these guitars were at least three voices singing.

"HERE COMES THE WIZARD!"

A man in a blue robe and hat decorated with stars came riding towards me on a motorcycle, and stopped abruptly in front of me.

"Hey babe! I heard you're looking from some info on the Gimli's."

"Kill your self."

"Wow! Don't you think that's a little bit harsh? Mellow out brosef."

"I still want you to kill yourself."

"Well, alright, but only when I get home. Here's all I know about the Gimli's. But you should keep in mind, that I'm like, totally sure that there's already some adventurers dealing with the problem."

"And they would be?"

"Uhhh... Ehxsolar Faloran the great and awesome warlock. Elora Shantoresas the elf princess of boobs. And the guy with a sword, he's called Frank... He's a hero type."

"Uh huh. Tell me more of these people."

"Well, Ehxsolar is a really powerful warlock, but he never does anything to help, Elora has boobs, and Frank has a sword, he's also very heroic. If you want to help them, they'll probably be in the town across from this one, most likely doing something that paints them as loveable rascals. Bye now."

Once again I heard the voices and wailing guitars as he left on his motorcycle riding through the streets.

"THERE GOES THE WIZARD!"

I hopped on my quad bike/horse and rode off like a pimp to the next town.

When i arrived in the next town I was welcomed by a town crier speaking about the Horrors of the brothers Lorephel the evil and kind of nasty, and his brother, Samuel. I heard of the stories of the magical terrors they inflicted on people, then I got bored and went to the nearest tavern for a drink. My reasoning was this; most adventurers like to boast about the fact that they're awesome, so they're probably doing some stupid shit in the tavern rather than actually stopping the Gimli's from murderizing anyone. When walking into the tavern I found the warlock and human sitting in the VIP area that was separated with the help by red velvet ropes and two body guards wearing shades and pimp ass suits. The girl Elora seemed to be at the other end of the tavern looking at herself in the mirror. I went over and sat next to the two behind the rope. The boy, Frank, didn't care as he was still looking at the elf across the room. The warlock, however, said, "Who the hell are you?"

"Adventurer."

"That's nice, but we don't need any more of those, we've got the basics covered here."

"I can see that, but can the basics get the job done? From where I'm sitting they can't, after all... You let... Jillian die... Sweet... Innocent Jirrian."

"... Yeah i don't know who Jillian is, but he sounds dumb."

"No, let her stay Ehxsoalr." Said Frank with a distant look on his face as he gazed at the elf girl some more, while holding a local girl on his lap and making out with her, and guzzling down some beer at more or less the same time. The warlock was balancing a spoon on his nose and the elf girl was adjusting her rack in the mirror. I had made my mind up... This was my adventuring party, these were my allies.

"Can i join you guys?"

"..."

"..."

"Kay."

"Sweet. High five."

The warlock reluctantly lifted his hand to mine as Frank, the hero, gave him a death stare for not immediately returning the kind gesture of a high five.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii guys... Can i join the party too?"  
Said a tree that had magically appeared in the middle of the room.

"No."

"Ohhhhhhhh, okay."

It disappeared.


	4. Chapter 3

The Legend Of Magic,

Book 5,

The Truest Adventures,

The Amazing Armour trilogy,

Part eleventy.

I woke up the next morning to find Ehxsolar smoking something while looking out the window.

"What are you smokeing!"

"Pure, magic. Ahhhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaahhhhhh."

I picked up my belt and keys as i went to the window to join Ehxsolar stare out the window. At the window I was met with the sight of Frank and Elora arguing, in that way that people who want to have sex do. Now personally i don't get that my self, but eh. Ehxsolar put down his thing he was smoking.

"Young people, i hate young people. And pretty people, and talented peole, that's why i don't hate you."

"Kill yourself."

"Ha! Classic Nhoari."

"You've known me for five hours."

"Classic Nhoari."

"Are you listening to me you old fart."  
"Oh Nhoari."

"I'm leaving now."

"Ah, loveable scamp."

I closed the door behind me, went down the stairs and joined Frank and Elora in their conversation.

"What's the difference."

"The difference Frank, is that this bikini battle armour, is armour! Not my underwear."

"Same thing!"

"I agree, arguing!"

The two of them turned round to me glaring.

"Who are you."

they said in unison.

"The new party member. That definitely agrees with one of you about the subject that you're discussing."

"Okay, neewbey, well you're going to need some armour. Here hop on my unicycle, we'll go to the blacksmiths."

"... Alright."

"I'll follow behind on my tricycle."

We rode over to the blacksmiths in style and opened the door to find a strange man. He was a grey colour. He had pointy ears, and seemed to have claws.

"Ah, what can i help you with three young adventures, and one old adventurer. I am a man bat, called, Batman."

"Wha-, Ehxsolar, how did you get here?"

"Magic."

"Fair enough. I 'm looking for some armour."

"Well then little boy slash girl, to get started i need to know your gender."

"What's the difference if i'm a girl?"  
"Well we offer many beautiful armours for women. This here is the Selfahr Battle Bikini, and this, is the Ghoran, strip of armour, and this one is exactly the same and the mens armour, but bright pink."

"I'm a man."

"Well then here's this supa cool silver armour."

"Sounds good to me."

I leaned over to shake his hand happily when he pulled me in very, very close and whispered in my ear.

"But if i find out that you're actually a girl, I'm going to have to kill you~"

He let go of my hand and went to the back of the shop to retrieve my armour.  
"Wow, Nhoari, I didn't know you were a dude, ahahahahaha."

Frank started laughing uncontrollably.

"Sounds like a load of bullshit to me."

Said Ehxsolar as he picked up a random thing on the counter, fire balled it, and started smoking... … … … Elora was adjusting her rack.

I left the blacksmiths with the armour that I only now realized was far too heavy for me to actually wear, let alone fight in. Seriously i couldn't even get the chainmail over my head it was so heavy. We all decided to take a rest out side of the tavern and sit next to our respective transportation. Frank, unicycle, Elora, tricycle, Ehxsolar, bicycle, and me! Nhoari, the best one of the three, i mean four, on my quad bike/horse, dorothy.

"So, liek what is it we're doing next, cuz i totally forgot."

"Maybe that's because of all the shit you've been smoking."

"Shut up you don't know shit."

He said this while looking at his hands intently."

"HERE COMES THE WIZARD!"

The man on the motorbike road down from the rooftops and landed on an old lady. The man handed me a scroll.

"Here's where the Gimli expert was last seen, catch ya later on the flip side."

"THERE GOES THE WIZARD!"

"That guy was awesome, why can't i be friends with that guy?"

"Because he's not as powerful as you Ehxsolar."

"True dat."

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy guuuuuuuuuuuuuuys, can I join your party?"

"No tree go away, we're off to find the Gimli's, right Frank, Elora, Ehxsolar."

And they all said in unison.

"Eh."

(Sorry for spelling or grammatical errors, i did go over it but, i don't have anyone else to look over it.)


	5. Chapter 5

The Legend Of Magic,

The journey through the mildly dense forest,

Book 3 ¾,

Rope... mmmmmmmm... Rope...

The four of us were trekking through the forest. I was carrying frank on my back as he complained about the weather. Elora was creating a magical bubble above him to stop the rain from getting to him. However the bubble was so small i was getting rained on and so was elora.

"So, Ehxsolar, remind me why you can't help again.

"I don't have a spell for that sort of thing."

"How do you not have a spell for this!?"

"I just don't okay get off my case."

He said this while leaning back on his flying Bicycle.

"That's it Frank get off me!"

"No! The rain will mess up my hair!"

"I don't give a crap, your heavy butt munch!"

"Ha ha, you said butt."

"Shut up old man!"

The three of us kept walking into the forest, not in any particular direction, so we were probably going round in a circle.

"I'm tired... Can we stop?"  
"No cruck buncher! Shut up"

"Nhoari, i really do think we should stop, It's so dark now i think Ehxsolar tripped about a mile back and cracked his skull on a rock, and rolled around for a bit afterwards."

"Oddly specific."

"I'm not dead yet!"

"Damn."

"Okay fine we'll set up camp."

Elora sat down on a log, Frank then sat next to her lying his head on her lap while Ehxsolar was making sparkles with his fingers. Even when sitting down and doing almost nothing they were the most annoying people I had ever met, with they're disgusting faces.

"Ehxsolar, think you can make us a fire."

He turned round from his sparks for a moment.

"No, I don't have a power for that."

"HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE A POWER FOR THAT! YOU WERE JUST MAKING SPARKS!"

"Mellow out, jeez."

"Yeah nhoari! He's a great and powerful wizard cut him some slack."

"Warlock."

"Yeah Nhoari, you're dumb."

"Damn straight boobs."

"I'm leaving."

Seeing as i couldn't stand to look at them i went off to find wood for a fire. After picking up a decent amount of wood i heard a voice in the distance.

"Help! Please! I need help!."

"What?"

"I said, i need help!"

"I heard you the first time you git!"

"So then are you coming to help me?"

"Yes fine."

I slowly made my way over to the boy calling for help like a total pussy. I found him dangling from a tree in a net, an elf, that incidentally seemed to be wearing clothes made out of leaves, it looked super dumb. What was he doing in the middle of the forest without a knife or sword, or bow.

"Should have brought a knife you dumb ugly butt. ha ha, butt."

"Yes very funny, and i did bring a knife actually."

"Wait, then why don't you use it?"

"I'm allergic to rope."

I dropped my wood and stared at him while he grasped the bars on his ropey prison.

"I'm out."

"noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo."

"Okay jeez."

I picked up my wood again and set it next to the tree. I check to make sure my knife was still there and not stolen by some elf git i didn't see sneaking around in the forest. It was there, as i expected. I grabbed the first branch of the tree and continued up to the piece of rope holding the net up.

"No wait! I changed my mind, don't-"

He fell to the ground, on top of my wood!

"Ow, the floor is hard."

"No shit shamlock, get up, where is my wood."

he got up rubbing his back and complaining like a wuss. And saying some other stuff I was too cool to listen too.

"You broke my wood! It's useless to me now!"

"Why? It's the same but just smalle-"

"Ruined! Ruined I say!"

I picked up the wood and went off in a direction i thought might be the direction of the camp, but at this point it was so dark i couldn't tell. Not to mention the elf was following me.

"Thanks for rescuing me, my name is Padir Tinkerwell an-"

"Oh my god, that's so dumb."

"Oh and i suppose your name is better?"

"Yeah... It is okay, Nhoari Shimorhi."

"And now we've been introduced."

I had to admit, he was smarter than he looked, but still as annoying as hell.

"Kill your self. Damn it where the hell am i going!"

"You don't know?"

"No! It's too dark dumb butt!"

"Do you just insult things when you don't know what to do?"

"No!"

"Well if it makes you feel any better i have night vision."

I couldn't see his face at the time, but it was probably dumb. The only response he got from me was a growling noise. He took that as an indication that he should lead me through the forest while holding hands, eeewwwwww, touching people.

"How do you know where you're going?"

"I can see in the dark."

"Wait, you can see in the dark, you don't just, have good night vision?"

"No, that would be silly. I have perfect night vision."

"I wasn't aware that was one of the things that came with being an elf."

"It isn't."

Eventually I made it back to the camp where i found a burning fire, and a fully eaten boar.

"So you can make a fire! That's it. I didn't think i was gonna have to throw down!"

"I didn't make the fire... I swear."

"Then how did it get here ass hole!"

"... … … Magic?"

(Sorry for spelling or grammatical errors, i did go over it but, i don't have anyone else to look over it.)


End file.
